psuper

One aspect of this transition that I am committed to is being open to and looking for ways to place myself outside of my comfort zone.  I have not always been open to doing so….in fact, I have been rather fortunate that I have been able to mostly have choices that allowed me to stay well within my comfort zone.

Well, if I ever needed proof on how important it is to embrace the uncomfortable and find ways to challenge oneself to do things that create anxiety, I only have the last few days to recall.  The first opportunity was the wine dinner I described below.  I was anxious about it before we signed up, and continued to feel uncomfortable about attending right up until we got on the bus and had no way out.  And, then, as you may have read from below….the evening was one I will never forget.  Just to consider the possibility of not having met these wonderful people because of my own anxieties, that are what, shall I say manufactured, is troubling.

The second time this week that I almost let my desire to stay within my comfort zone derail a fun experience, was when I went to visit the Chateau I worked at during the Autumn of 1992.  After departing the University of Colorado,Boulder (ahh, well, it is still up for debate if I was departing fired with enthusiasm, or if I was just fired with enthusiasm…..with apologies to President Kerr, the former President of the University of California System, that was the first to make a similar comment).

Back to the story at hand…..for whatever reason, I was anxious about returning to Chateau Brandeau and saying hello to Andrea and Fearn, the owners of the Chateau after all these years.  I had emailed them and indicated the dates of our visit to the area and learned that they would be around.  On the appointed day, I was a short second away of from just driving by and not stopping…and yet, can not for the life of me figure out why.  But we did stop…..and walked around.  The Chateau looked much like it was when I was there….many small improvements, but basically, to my appreciation, it was much the same.  As the French might say, “why change it?  Is it broken?”  I did notice that they are replacing the vines in the vineyard just in front of the Chateau, and possibly adding hectors of new vineyards in the back.

As we took pictures and walked around I shared with Ligia some of the experience I had there….my job of gathering the eggs each evening from the chicken coop for example.  I never really lost my anxious feelings but was so glad I stopped by.  As it turned out, Andrea was at school teaching and Fearn was in the vineyard across the road levaging the vines, watching out for us…but we slipped in without him spotting us.

The short time I spent walking around, remembering the vandage of 1992, the crisp Autumn mornings, the fertilizing of the vines with three-year old sheepsh*#, it was great to be there.

Fearn and I have emailed….shared our mutual disappointment of not having been able to visit….but I have committed to returning, and not letting 19 years pass before I do so…even if I am the least bit uncomfortable.